Carol called me at the office from New York this morning -- a first in a year and a half since she moved back to New York (calling me at the office I mean). I WAS ECSTATIC. And I talked with her a lot longer than I should have. Sheesh.

She was cracking me up BIG TIME with her "life in America" stories, going on and on about how stable and predictable everything is and how she's lost that neurotic edge she used to have in Taipei and that she thinks that if one HAD to move back to the U.S. and wanted to try and recapture that kind of energy that New York City was your best bet.

Here was the conversation we had that had me HURTING with laughter:

Her: "Yeah sometimes my train friend bores me to tears that I..."

 Me: "Huh? What's a train friend."

Her: "You know, my friend. On the train."

 Me: "You mean, you see the SAME person every DAY on the TRAIN?!"

Her:
"Yes Christ... life in America is like that! People who take the train into work usually have a favorite car that they like to take and I'm one of those people who likes to sit at the front of the train because it's closest to the exit of my station so after awhile you start to see the same people who also like to ride in the front, so yes, I see my train friend every morning."

 Me: "Carol you have GOT to be kidding me."

Her:
"No Christ, that's just how it is. There are your regulars who always have a cup of coffee in hand and then there are those who have a copy of today's newspaper to read on the train and then there's my train friend whom I chat with every day going into work although sometimes I sit in a different car because she can be soooo BORING that it drives me nuts..."

And Carol went on and on and on until I started SOL (snorting out loud), which in turn made her laugh like a HYENA when she realized what she was saying. The two of us are hyper like that. Carol really scares me when she talks about "life in America"... she even says that having kids is a must-do just so that couples have something to do with themselves because otherwise life gets so ROUTINE. Ugh.

Although... I think if I had Carol around, I'd actually be okay...


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This picture below actually has nothing to do with the entry but I thought I'd post it up just for fun. It's a picture of... the post office. I had to take a number just to pay a freakin' bill this afternoon. Ridiculous.

It's not good to always have my pencam on me because during those moments of utter frustration I sometimes just feel like taking a picture of whatever it was that was SO ANNOYING so that I can go OFF about it later here in my journals.

I just made myself laugh... LOL!

Anyway... this week has been very frustrating for me. I haven't wanted to admit it to myself but I'm just not moving forward with my projects as fast as I would like and for all kinds of reasons, and yet I have no one to blame but myself.

I'm trying very hard to balance my personal life with my career aspirations but the bottom line is -- it just isn't easy. And of all things to become an "issue", the idea of losing one's independence is also a tough one to swallow -- particularly for a woman like me and at my stage in life, as compared with my peers.

Though I've certainly done a lot and don't have any regrets about the choices I've made in my life, I don't really feel a sense of accomplishment, at least not on a professional level. And because of that, I'm not sure I have much to offer in a long-term relationship, and maybe that's why I hesitate when the opportunity presents itself? I don't know. I sound like a freakin' MAN.

Or maybe I just sound like a freak.

I need help.


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